


I Never

by ughaghost



Series: Swan Queen Week Winter 2017 [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, One Shot, Swan Queen Week, Swan Queen Week Winter 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9580625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughaghost/pseuds/ughaghost
Summary: Emma has a longstanding and hopeless crush on her boss. She also has a secret. The book Regina has been raving about, the one she just published to outstanding critical and commercial success? Well Emma wrote it. With the book's surprising popularity she's not sure how much longer she can keep it a secret, or if she even wants to. But will revealing her secret ruin any chance she has of being in Regina's life?Regina has the perfect job, a house of her own, a beautiful son and a boyfriend. She's shouldn't want for anything. Then a book comes into her life and makes it harder for her to ignore the things that are missing. Or her desire for a certain blonde receptionist.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SQweek Day 1 prompt - Celeb AU
> 
> This is frickin late but that's my signature thing at this point so no one should ever be surprised. I actually only started this a day before SQ Week began. Goddamn social media hiatus made it so that I missed when SQ week was supposed to begin and was NOT PREPARED. I've basically spent the last 3 days straight writing and rewriting and adding things when this story spiraled out of control. I just finished it and haven't gotten a chance to reread so forgive me for typos and what not. It was almost broken into chapters but I don't have time for that. I wanted to get it out before SQweek is officially over in my timezone so possible edits forthcoming. Forgive any tense mistakes. It's written in present tense but I'm sure it slips into past in some instances. If I find it I'll fix it.
> 
> Thanks to Bayley, who half betaed this but she's out partying right now so the more recent sections were left up to me. 
> 
> Please enjoy this sloppy thing, I put my heart into it. Title based on the Rilo Kiley song.
> 
> ***2 hours later glorious edits for make story actually make sense. Please to read them. Thanks

She really should quit this job. She can now. She knows she has enough in the bank to live comfortably, even more if she continues living the way she does now; thrifty and hoarding for rainy days like a mouse. She hasn’t ever gotten out of the habit of saving everything for later. Hasn’t ever forgotten what it’s like for her belly to ache from hunger, unsure of where her next meal is coming from. She’s been working steadily for years now and yet, the scars of a time without, truly without, haven’t faded. Maybe they never will. Just like the physical one’s that mark her body. They too hold memories she’s never quite gotten out from under. Terrors she still sees in her dreams.

 

Although that’s what makes her such a decent writer, she supposes. Decent, being as much as she’ll allow herself. Her success and current place on the New York Times Bestseller lists would allude to her being more than just decent. Best not to get a big head about these things. Especially because, despite her book’s popularity, she herself has chosen to remain anonymous.

 

Emma finishes sorting the stack of manuscripts, placing the few gems to the side before sliding the rest into a pile to be shredded. Such a waste of paper, she sighs to herself. She carefully writes down the names of those rejected, adding them to her already sizeable list. Each will receive a polite rejection letter meant to be just encouraging enough to keep the truly oblivious hopeful. “We’re grateful to have received your manuscript. Unfortunately, it isn’t what we’re looking for at the moment but don’t despair. Try submitting again in a few months. Keep writing.” Something like that. She should remember it, God knows she’s sent enough of them.

 

She knows she’s seen at least a few of these names before. On the same or equally dismal efforts, she’s snorted her way through. She wishes they would submit this stuff digitally, save her some time not to mention the impact on the environment.

 

Finally she picks up the two diamonds she’s chosen from this batch of submissions and walks slowly towards her boss’ office. She’s all but dragging her feet by the time the woman comes into view, enjoying the sight before her but dreading the possible cutting words awaiting her. You never can tell with the Reg. She smirked slightly at the nickname, knowing if she ever voiced it, her life would probably be over. Sometimes she’s not entirely certain she wouldn’t enjoy it. Because the woman is captivating. All deep red lips, a short skirt showing off graceful legs and a blouse just this side of work appropriate. If Regina Mills were the last thing she saw before she shuffled off this garbage tip of a planet, it wouldn’t be so bad.  

 

“I’m sure there’s something more productive you could be doing, than staring at me Miss Swan,” Regina’s sharp tone cuts through Emma’s daydream and she blushes, the woman in question raising a brow in suggestion.

 

“This week’s selection, boss,” she clears her throat and walks over to Regina’s desk, depositing the chosen works into her outstretched hands.

 

“Hmm I hope these are better than your choices last week. Honestly, lesbian space pirates? What were you thinking?”

 

“I was thinking it was a pretty hot fantasy,” Emma mutters to herself. So it wasn’t the next Hamlet. It had a lot of hot women kicking ass and lusting after each other, right up Emma’s alley. So she maybe overlooked the farcical plot and numerous grammatical errors, every girl has a weakness. Emma’s, she has long admitted to herself, is beautiful women.

 

“What was that?”

 

“Nothing Boss. Don’t worry, no lesbian fiction this week.” More’s the pity.

 

Emma shuffles her feet awkwardly as Regina gives the pile a cursory thumb through, browsing titles and summaries so fast Emma wonders if she’s actually taking in any of it. Finally the brunette waves a hand in her direction.

 

“Satisfactory. Maybe you’ll have finally found me something worth my time. You’d think with the increased volume of submissions since ‘ _Punch Back’_ , we’d be getting more quality work.” Regina frowns, drawing Emma’s eyes to her lips. She shakes her head, trying to clear it. It’s frustrating Regina still has this effect on her.

 

“More work, maybe. Not much quality.”

 

“I suppose it’s not your fault. Books like that don’t come along very often.”

 

Emma nods in agreement before taking her leave.

 

They certainly do not. Fictionalizing her tragic childhood into a compelling story had taken years. And she’d had her life as inspiration. That book was her baby, a once-in-a-lifetime accomplishment she has no idea if she can ever follow up on. Which is part of the reason she’s kept her job. She has no faith she can ever write anything else. Maybe that was it for her. She hasn’t been able to write anything of note since the damn thing was published. Everywhere she turns people are talking about it and she wishes she could enjoy it. Instead she’s pulling all nighters, staring at a blinking cursor in an empty word document, praying for inspiration. She’s not locked in or anything. She’d signed a contract for this book and the promise of first look at anything else she was thinking about having published. The only person she’s letting down with this several-months-long block is herself. But it’s enough to have her spirits flagging.

 

She sits at her desk with a sigh. These are not thoughts she should be dwelling on while at work. She has reading to do. She picks up another of her possible diamonds, a manuscript about a jailer and a prison full of supernatural phenomena. A little _‘The Green Mile’_ maybe but it has potential. Barely two pages in, she is jolted from her reading by the sound of heels tapping down the hall. She looks up to see Ruby arriving.

 

“Nice of you to stop by.”

 

“I knew you’d be lost without me.”

 

“What did I miss? You turn over your hopefuls to The Queen yet?”

 

“Don’t call her that. And yes. She didn’t insult me or anything. I guess that means she’s in a pretty good mood. Where were you?”

 

“Nordstrom’s had a little security scare.” Ruby is a tech wizard and consultant. When she isn’t in office she's out fixing things for various other businesses she consulted for.

 

Emma hears a sharp, “Zelena!” from Regina’s office and groans. Regina is talking to her sister which means she should expect a phone call within the hour from Z, who is also her agent/lawyer. The crazy coincidence of it all still vexes her to this day. Goddamn Zelena for taking her husband’s name and Ruby for slipping her manuscript into a pile she’d delivered to Regina one day without Emma noticing.

 

Regina has been calling her sister at least once a week asking her to get the mysterious writer of her hit publication to come forward. Press, awards, maybe even a movie deal being her increasing incentives. Every time Zelena calls, she finds it harder to refuse. Because she’s proud of the damn thing, despite how much its success is messing with her head, and part of her wants the world to know she created it. And the possible celebrity meetings and royalties wouldn’t hurt either.

 

Sure enough the her phone rings not 5 minutes later.

 

“E. Lucas, hello darling.”

 

“I told you not to call me that,” Emma snaps peering around surreptitiously.

 

“It’s a movie company this time. A large one. They want your book.”

 

“Z, we’ve talked about this. I published anonymously for a reason okay.”

 

“Which is it this week hmm?” Is that garbage about you wanting the work to _stand on it’s own_ ? Maybe because you _wouldn’t be good at the whole celebrity thing_? Or are you finally going to admit you were scared. Scared that your book would fail and you’d never be able to escape the shame of it. Except it hasn’t failed Emma. It’s a hit. You’ve moved people and you deserve to hear that first hand.

 

“I know Z.” She _had been_ scared. People were essentially reading her life story and she’d be worried about it’s critical reception not to mention the way people would look at her when they knew all of this about her. All her dirty laundry on display. But Z was right, things had gone well. She’d read reviews and watched videos. She’d seen the effect her work had had. And she wanted to step forward now. She just didn’t know how she’d explain all this to-

 

“Oh that’s it.”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re no longer worried about people, you’re worried about one specific person finding out you’ve been lying to her this entire time. Hiding right in front of her while she’s been looking for you.”

 

“No psssh I’m not-” (she is)

 

“You’re worried about how Regina,” Zelena cackles and Emma can’t help but notice it’s witchy quality. It’s quite fitting. “You do know she wouldn’t want you to lose out on opportunities on her account right? Even if you have been lying to her.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Emma sniffs, unconvincingly.

 

“Just tell her Emma, before she finds out from someone else. Then she really will never forgive you and you’ll never have a real chance with her.”

 

Emma almost laughs at that. “As if I have one now? She has a boyfriend. One she’s been seeing for a very long time. One she probably loves. We’re not even friends.”

 

“She does have a soft spot for you. She brings you up far too often for that not to be the case.”

 

Emma just sighs because Regina bringing her up to her sister, just to complain about her isn’t flattering; it doesn’t mean anything really. “Look Z, I can’t do this right now. I have to go.”

 

“Just think about what I said Emma?”

 

They exchange quick goodbyes and Emma hangs up. She did not need Zelena’s voice in her head stirring things up today.

 

“You need to get laid.” Emma groans from where her head sits, face down on her desk.

 

“I do not.” (She definitely does but she doesn’t need her sister pointing that out).

 

“Come on, Em. You can't keep waiting around for our hot boss to breakup with the blanket and ask you out. It's been years.”

 

“ I- I'm not!” She hasn’t been actively waiting… as such. She’s not that pathetic (she absolutely is).

 

“It's not healthy. You're not going to say anything. You'll just sit there pining forever. Just...go out with someone new. Have some fun. It doesn't have to lead to anything.”

 

“I-”

 

“Just think about it.”

 

She grunts and Ruby takes it as a yes.

 

“Here, I set you up a tinder profile.”

  


XXXXX (1)

  


“Uuuuuurgh.” Emma lets her head hit the desk in exasperation for the second time today. That probably won’t help the headache she feels coming on. She feels so blocked, in every way. The strain of not having writing as an emotional outlet is wearing on her. All she wants to do is create something she can be proud of but at this point she’s afraid to type her own name.

 

She’d always found books comforting. During the years she’d been shuffled from one bad living situation to another, she could escape into a fictional world; a world where parents didn’t die tragically, leaving their newborn daughter all alone. When she’d run away from her last home and began living on the streets, she’d spend hours in the library, keeping warm and reading. She knew she wanted to give that same feeling to someone, of safety. She wanted to create a story that touched people like so many had done for her. But she’d never be able to do it living the way she was. Always starving and cold.

 

She owes everything to the Lucas women. Granny had taken her in after she’d caught her taking uneaten leftovers from people’s plates in her diner. Giving Emma a shitty job and a bed, provided she went to school and stayed out of trouble. Then there was Ruby. Her sister. One of few real friends she’d ever made, who’d made her feel welcome in their home immediately.

 

With the support of a found family, she’d been able to make it through college with an English degree. When she’d graduated her and Ruby had moved from the Lucas house in New Jersey to their own tiny apartment in New York to properly start their lives.

 

She is glad to have Ruby as a roommate, even if she is nosy as all hell.

 

“We should go out.”

 

Emma jumps, and spins to glare at her sister. Her head aching from the sudden movement. “You should knock.”

 

“You need to have some fun Em,” Ruby continues ignoring the interruption. “Maybe find someone for yourself before I pick a nice match for you.”

 

“I never agreed to that.”

 

“Sure you did.” Ruby dismisses flippantly. Emma just rolls her eyes. “Sitting there staring at the screen is not doing you any good Em. If you want to write about life, you need to go out and experience it. Let’s go dancing.”

 

She thought it over. Maybe she did deserve a break, one look at Ruby’s earnest pout was enough to have her reluctantly giving in.

 

“Fine, but we can’t stay out late. We have work tomorrow and some of us don’t make our own hours.”

 

Ruby jumps to her feet with a shout and immediately starts throwing clothes from the closet onto the bed.

 

“Yay. It’s ladies night at Jerry’s. Let’s find you a wife for the night hmm.”

 

Emma can already tell she is probably going to regret this.

  


XXXXX (2)

  


Emma is hungover, the bass from night before still pounding rhythmically in her head. Ruby had also used up all the hot water that morning, which resulted in a very fast and probably insufficient shower. She hadn’t even found any prospects for a quick hookup the night before, which, she tried to convince herself definitely wasn’t because of the years of pining she’d been doing for a certain bossy brunette bitch. It was just hard to find someone who could meet her standards, especially since they’d been raised to... So yes, her hangover and high levels of sexual frustration had combined to put in her an absolutely awful mood.

 

Which is why when Regina approached her desk she is, suspicious to say the least.

 

“Miss Swan, can I have a word?” Regina stopps in front of her looking slightly nervous.

 

“Mills?”

 

“I-” Regina’s stuttering? If Emma wasn’t already nervous she would be now.

 

“I need to ask you a favor.” She moves slightly and Emma suddenly notices a figure stood behind her.

 

“Henry has gotten himself suspended from school. I didn’t want to leave him at home, because God knows what he would get up to, so I brought him to work with me but I’m in meetings all day. Could you look after him? Put him to work.”

 

Emma raises both eyebrows in shock. Regina is asking her for help? Trusting Emma with her son? She can’t help but wonder if this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. The idea of the woman who lambasts her on a regular basis for being an “idiot” and “completely oblivious” is trusting her with the most important person in her life.

 

“Me? Seriously?,” She squeaks.

 

“I wouldn’t ask but there’s no one else I trust?” Woah that’s a revelation. It probably shouldn’t be considering the years they’ve worked together. And how Regina let’s her whittle down the manuscript submissions to Emma’s favourites before looking at them herself but she’d never really thought...Regina _trusts_ her. She can’t say the thought doesn’t make her a little giddy.

 

“Please, I’ll ...owe you one?”

 

It’s obvious Regina is desperate and really she won’t mind at all. From what Emma can remember the kid was pretty funny. Granted she hadn’t spoken to him since last year’s Christmas party, and even then only for a few minutes. But she remembers him being precocious and charming and she wouldn’t mind the company. Or the future favour from his mother.

 

“Yeah sure. We can hang out. He can check over my terrible work,” Emma smiles. Regina sighs with relief before turning to her son.

 

“Be good for Miss Swan, Henry. Don’t get up to anything, you’re in enough trouble as it is.”

 

Regina bids them both a quick goodbye before stepping back into the elevator.

 

“So what’d you do kid?”

 

Henry ducks his head, muttering, “I may have accidentally set the science lab on fire making my own fireworks.”

 

Emma throws her head back in laughter because that is not what she expected from the son of Regina Mills. His mother doesn’t seem like the type to have ever been in trouble in school. Probably more honour roll and student council than detention or suspension.

 

“Can I ask what you were thinking?”

 

“It was Elle’s birthday and I just wanted to impress her with  a cool present. But I was broke so I figured I’d use my brain instead…”

 

And she’s off again, crying with mirth as Henry flushes in embarrassment.

 

“This is you using your brain?”

 

“I know, I know. God, as if my mom yelling at me wasn’t bad enough. Now I’m stuck here for a week and I’ve gotta pay her back for all the damages.”

 

“Well at least you didn’t set her on fire. Think of it that way.”

 

The boy’s face pales as if he hadn’t considered that possibility before. “...Right. So…”

 

“I guess I should give you something to do huh?” Emma has no idea how to entertain a 14-year-old. Regina had told her to put him to work so she figured that was a good place to start.

 

“So do you like reading?”

 

“Have you met my mom?”

 

“Well then I’ve got something for you to do. Depending on your luck, you may even have fun.” Emma splits her pile of manuscripts in half and places one in front of Henry.

 

“These are submissions. People looking to get published by the company. 95% are awful, sometimes in entertaining ways but still. Read the first chapter and if it doesn’t get your attention, put it here. If you’re really interested, you can finish the whole thing. Then decide, if it’s up to your mom’s standards. Then you can give it to her and she’ll read it before making the final decision alright?”

 

“I get to read all day?”

 

“Yep. Have fun.” Emma smirks to herself. Henry has no idea how dreadful some of these manuscripts could be but he was about to find out.

 

They settled down on opposite sides of Emma’s desk, reading quietly.

 

XXXXX (3)

 

Regina is exhausted. She’s been in meetings with various assholes all day. Arguing for a reduced rate on printings of her bigger sellers and vying for more high profile ad placements. She’d hoped to spend her day with her son. Despite his bad behavior being the cause for his time out of school, there was no reason she couldn’t take advantage, but things had come up and she had to leave him with Emma. She felt guilty for doing so. It wasn’t as if Emma didn’t have enough to do as it was, especially on Ruby’s day off. Being her: secretary, mail sorter, and any other role she needed to fill was the work of at least three people.

 

She’s surprised to walk in on this scene. Surprised at the warmth that flows through her on seeing Emma and Henry sitting close as they read aloud from a manuscript, giggling and teasing like long time friends. She shouldn't be. Regina has long since stopped trying to deny her...feelings for her employee. But seeing her son interact with Emma has her feeling something else. Something beyond a harmless work crush.

 

“Have you two gotten anything done today, or were you too busy enjoying the fantastic reading material?”

 

They both look up, caught. Regina offers a small smile, making Emma’s nervous expression slip back into a grin. “Well, collect your things Henry. It’s time to go home.” Henry begins gathering his belongings while Emma turns back to her reading. “Miss Swan?”

 

“Huh?” The blonde looks up again brow crinkling in confusion. “Oh. Actually you weren’t too far off with your comment earlier. I’m a little behind.” Emma’s expression turns sheepish. “But you guys go on and I’ll lock up when I’m leaving.”

 

It’s already fairly late and pitch dark, something in Regina’s stomach twists at the thought of Emma working into the night alone.

 

She sighs feigning exasperation, “Emma. I am locking up and you are going home. Anything left unfinished can surely be done tomorrow after we’ve both eaten and rested.” The woman appears surprised and Regina realizes it may be the first time she’s used her first name.

 

“I- I guess I’ll grab my stuff then.”

 

Things collected and coats donned, they all enter the elevator together. Regina finds herself scanning Emma’s leather clad frame with a scowl. “You can’t possibly be warm enough in that gaudy thing.”

 

Emma waves a hand dismissively. “Style over comfort, Mills. If anyone gets it, it should be you.” She sends a pointed look to her bosses killer heels.”

 

“You say that as if you have any style to speak of,” Regina sniffs.

 

The blonde frowns on the verge of replying when the elevator door opens. Regina exits immediately, smirking in triumph. Henry follows behind eyes darting between them as he laughs.

 

They pause at the front door.

 

“Goodnight, Henry. Mills.”

 

“Bye Emma, see ya tomorrow.” The boy waves before walking off towards the parking lot.

 

Regina hesitates, “Would you...like a ride?” In the years they’ve worked together she’s never before offered to drive Emma home. She’s resisted any and all opportunities to be too kind, hoping to discourage any connection between them. But she figures, looking at Emma shivering in the moonlight, it will be fine just this once.

 

The blonde shakes her head firmly. “The subway is only a block away. I’ll be fine. Goodnight.” Before Regina can respond, she’s off striding purposefully down block.

 

“Goodnight.” She stands watching blonde hair fade into the distance before turning to follow her son.

 

XXXXX (4)

  


The rest of the week finds Henry coming into work with Regina, splitting his time between working quietly in his mother’s office and reading and fooling around with Emma and Ruby in the outer office. She can admit she’s really enjoyed his company. He’s brought a lightness and fun to her job she’d been missing. Stressing out over writing has really sucked the joy out of her existence, despite Ruby’s efforts to the contrary. That’s probably something that needs to change. She’s starting to think Ruby’s right. It’s hard to write about life because she isn’t exactly living it.

 

On Friday, she brings him a little gift to celebrate his last day in the office. Volume one of Lumberjanes. She knows he likes comics and hopes he’ll appreciate her choice. With Regina Mills for a mother he can’t be adversed to a some lite-feminist storytelling.

 

“Oh my gosh Emma, this is so cool,” Henry shrieks at the sight.

 

She startles when he throws his arms around her before sinking into the hug. Her eyes start to water and she’s kind of disgusted with herself because she really shouldn’t feel so much from a simple hug. Maybe it’s because she’s realizing he’s wormed his way into her heart in quite a short time. Just like his mother, so easy to care for. She feels Ruby’s eyes on her and tries to swallow back her emotions. When he releases her Ruby presents him with a cupcake. chocolate, with Iron Man on it.

 

“Your mom said this was your favourite.”

 

He squeezes her next before settling down opposite Emma to eat and read.

 

When they hear the ding of the elevator Emma looks up already smiling expecting Regina back early from her meeting. Instead she’s greeted by the unwelcome view of her sister strutting annoyingly off the elevator. Annoying in the sense that unexpected visits are always stress inducing because Emma is constantly worried about them being caught together by Regina who will of course ask questions. Questions Emma can’t answer.

 

“If it isn't my favourite little secret.” Zelena’s smirk is not nearly as attractive as her sister’s, Emma thinks to herself before jolting in terror because Henry is here and Henry is Regina’s son which means… well nothing good.

 

She looks for Ruby but she’s somehow already fled the room, sensing the coming tension. Which is just like her honestly. Emma has long since abandoned trying to figure out her sister’s ability to escape the scene of trouble. “Look, Z it's not a good time , I’m-”

 

“Aunt Z what are you doing down here? How do you two know each other?”

 

Emma curses under her breath as Henry looks between them expectantly. Zelena smirks with glee and Emma can already tell this is another conversation that’s going to end with her slamming her head into her desk.

 

“Well young Henry, I am here-”

 

“To see your mom, obviously.” Emma laughs nervously. “I should umh call her and see where she is, so you can leave. I’m sure you’re busy.” She happens to know Regina was across town at a meeting and shouldn’t be back for another 20 minutes. Zelena had chosen to come by while she was out just to pester her.

 

Henry squints with suspicion, “Secret?”

 

“Heh hah, oh umh right.” And fuck she’s a terrible liar. She never used to be. She used to be a grifter for god’s sake. Now she can’t even properly lie to a teen boy. Emma cringes at herself internally.

 

“She was- I mean I-”

 

“Just teasing. Emma and I do so love to joke around when I come to see your mother,” Zelena cuts in swiftly, saving her from further embarrassment. “Alas it appears I missed her. I’ll see you at family dinner dear.”

 

“Bye aunt Z.”

 

Henry wraps Zelena in a hug and Emma mouths a thank you at her over his head. Zelena only lifts a brow in response before stepping back into the elevator. Emma sighs with relief.

  


XXXXX (5)

  


Henry escapes to the bathroom shortly after his aunt leaves. Locking the door, he pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts, tapping on a familiar name.

 

“So , Emma?”

 

He receives a hearty laugh down the line. “Oh sweet boy. You are a clever one, just like your mother. Don’t tell her I said that.”

 

“I won’t. So why is your relationship with Emma a secret?”

 

“You’d have to ask her that Henry. I’ve no idea why she insists on this bloody ludicrous cloak and dagger game. The least she could do is tell your mother that-” Zelena cuts herself off abruptly.

 

“Tell my mom what?”

 

“Henry as a client, she is entitled to my discretion. I can’t tell you why I work for her. I can however point my favourite nephew in the right direction.”

 

Henry laughs, “I’m your only nephew, aunt Z.”

 

“Hence my favourite. Your mother has had a recent success. She’s become quite enamored with the recent bestseller released by her company. Perhaps you should read it and ask her about it?”

 

He has no idea what this has to do with Emma but he does enjoy a good book and a mystery. He resolves to look up the most recent release by his mom’s publishing house as soon he can.

 

“Thank you aunt Z.”

 

“Don’t mention it Henry….Have you thought about perhaps inviting Miss Swan over for dinner?”

 

“No, why would I-”

 

“Your mom doesn’t have many friends and you like Emma, don’t you?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Just a thought, hmmm. I must go Henry, but tell me how dinner goes if you do ask her alright?”

 

“Okay aunt Z, bye.”

 

Henry is sure he hangs up with even more questions than he’d had originally.

 

XXXXX (6)

 

“You should come over for dinner Emma?” The question comes as they’re all preparing to leave the office for the weekend. Henry waiting for his mother to wrap up a call before they can leave.

 

“Uh. what?” That question came straight out of left field.

 

“Come for dinner.”

 

“I don’t think that would be a good idea Henry. Your mom can barely stand me most days.”

 

Henry scowls in disagreement.

 

“My mom is, you know, prickly. She’s like that with most people. It’s just her sense of humour. I think she likes you more than most people, actually.”

 

“Ha okay kid. Well if you can get Regina to say yes, I guess I’ll come but it’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens.” Emma scoffs. Because she has attempted several times over the years to get to know her boss and it’s clear to her Regina doesn’t want that. She’d never agree to spend time with her outside of work.

 

“Hey Mom,” Henry addresses Regina as she exits her office, “Do you think we could have Emma over for dinner?”

 

“I told the kid that you can barely stand me during work hours, anything more is pushing it,” Emma jokes weakly.

 

Regina doesn’t laugh, in fact she looks - _sad-_ at Emma’s words.

 

“It is the least I could do.”

 

“I- I’m sorry?”

 

“Do you have plans next Friday Miss Swan?”

 

“Uh no.”

 

“Then you’ll come for dinner,” Her tone is final, not that Emma planned on arguing.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“Good. Well, goodnight.”

 

“Yeah goodnight guys.”

 

“Night Emma.”

 

Somehow she'd ended up with an invitation to the Mill's house. She  feels the trepidation and excitement course through her. This is going to be a long week. 

 

XXXXX

 

“It’s not a big deal Ruby.” Emma mutters, fixing her hair for the nth time.

 

“Sure it isn’t. That’s why you’ve been freaking out about it all week.”

 

She had been. Honestly she had no excuse, except when the woman you have a crush on and have known for years, finally invites you into her home, you can’t help but be nervous.

 

“It was Henry’s idea. I’m more his guest than anything.”

 

“So her son is going to be there on your date?”

 

“It’s not a date! She has a _boyfriend_ , remember?” Emma grits out.

 

Ruby snorts. “Actually I don’t. I can’t imagine anyone does, the man is as dull as damp bread.”

 

She can’t exactly argue that point. She doesn’t remember much of Robin. They’d met something like three times and he’d never left an impression. She thinks he’s...blonde maybe? Okay looking as far as men go. Regina could do better. And if she was into blondes...

 

“It’s a casual dinner. I’m just hoping we can maybe finally progress to friends after this.”

 

“Then you can confess your undying love and ask her to marry you?” Ruby snickers.

 

Emma’s phone vibrates and she glances at it,

 

“I have to leave now if I want to make it on time.” She exits her room, slipping into heeled boots and her favourite leather jacket before opening the front door.

 

“I won’t wait up.” Ruby calls after her. She throws a middle finger over her shoulder without looking back.

 

She appreciated Ruby’s teasing for the distraction it was, Without it her hands shake as she makes the drive to Regina’s house. This is her one chance to get to know the woman she's had feelings for forever, she can’t screw it up.

  
  


XXXXX (7)

  


Henry thinks he get’s it all now. He’d read the book his aunt had spoken about, finding it a pretty spectacular read. A lot of horrible things taking place, the lead character saw the worst of humanity, yet she endured. Not only did she make something of herself despite the many people who doubted her or actively held her back but she remained hopeful and kind despite it all. He found it pretty admirable.

 

When he brought it up with his mom he was surprised to listen to ten minutes straight of accolades for the novel. His aunt wasn’t lying when she had said his mother was a fan.

 

“You really like this book huh Mom?”

 

“Honestly Henry, I feel as if...it’s changed me. It’s reminded me how to dream, that I can do and be more than I currently am. It’s...remarkable. I wish I knew the author behind it.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well the author used a pen name. They wanted to remain anonymous. Everything was handled through Zelena, they insisted. It was all rather strange. If the book weren’t so magnificent and my sister weren’t their agent I wouldn’t have gone through with the whole thing but both Zelena and my own attorney told me everything was up to standard. It’s become quite a smash, but they’re refusing to do any promotion or take any recognition and I have no way to get in touch with them outside of Zelena.”

 

Strange indeed.

 

It had taken minimal effort and investigation to conclude Emma is in fact E. Lucas. E for Emma and Lucas like her sister’s last name. He can’t understand how his mother had missed it.

 

That night, over the course of dinner his aunt’s other hint had fallen into place. He watched the way his mother and Emma interacted. The blonde was a complete spazz, knocking things over and getting food all over her plate, a bundle of nervous energy. His mother had exhibited her own nerves more subtly. Biting her lip and fiddling with her cutlery. But it was the way they looked at each other when the other wasn’t looking that really sold it for him.

 

Bashful and sly, as if they were afraid to get caught. Henry had never seen his mother like that, not even with her long time boyfriend.

 

Maybe he should feel weird about his mother and Emma liking each other but… he can’t bring himself to. They both looked so happy. He’d excused himself shortly after dinner so they could have some alone time.

 

Maybe his Mom and Emma would end up dating. He’d never especially cared for Robin and would totally support that. Even if they just became friends, he knew they’d be good for one another.

 

In his bedroom he pulled out his phone. He would take this opportunity to fill his aunt in on everything he’d discovered.

  


XXXXX (8)

  


“I guess I should be going now?” Emma doesn’t want to leave. She’s enjoyed spending time with the Mills’ far more than she’d even imagined and she doesn’t want this evening to end.

 

“Nightcap?”

 

She shakes her head reluctantly, “I shouldn’t, I’m driving.”

 

“Coffee then? Or tea?”

 

“I- I guess coffee would be okay?”

 

“I’ll start the machine then. Have a seat in the living room.”

 

Emma wanders around the living room, taking this opportunity to observe Regina’s space.

 

There’s a piano in the corner. She wonders who plays. On the mantle above the fireplace, a few pictures rest. They're of Henry at various ages. The walls also hold pictures. One in particular catches her attention, Of a pregnant Regina, flanked by people who must be her parents. Her mother looks frightening even frozen in time but her father radiates warmth through the frame. Eyes full of love she can tell Regina completely returned.

 

“My father was my biggest fan.” Emma hears from over her shoulder and turns to see Regina offering her a steaming mug. “This was the last picture I took with him. I named Henry after him.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Mm. He died shortly after Henry was born. I still miss him every day.”

 

“I can only imagine. He looks like a great man. It’s clear just from this picture, he loved you.”

 

“He was the best person I’ve ever known.”

 

They move to sit on the couch. Emma easing back into it when she realizes it’s more comfortable than it looks.

 

“I didn’t think I’d ever see this place. We’ve been working together for years and yet, I feel like I don’t know anything about you Regina. Why is that?”

 

“My fault, I’m sure. I haven’t exactly been encouraging any time you’ve attempted to get to know me.”

 

“Maybe this dinner can be a step towards that?” Emma hopes she doesn’t sound too earnest but this little taste of Regina outside of work and being her boss has already made her desperate for more.

 

“Regina catches her eye, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Maybe.”

 

They make light conversation for another half hour, enjoying the other’s company and the warmth of the fire.

 

When Emma leaves she thinks she’s not imaging the warmth in Regina’s voice as she says goodnight.

 

She goes to sleep that night thinking about the tentative possibility of friendship and a guarded heart she’s desperate to know.

  


XXXXX (9)

  


Something has been missing, Regina can’t shake the feeling. Something that’s left her feeling hollow, her life varying shades of grey. It’s...fine really. She has a job she enjoys, an amazing (if too smart for his own good) son and her own house. Everything except the husband she thought she’d have by now but she’s been fine without. And now she even has the potential for that with Robin, and yet… Something has been missing. And she might not have ever noticed it if she hadn’t read that book. ‘ _Punch Back’_ came into her life and shifted her perspective on everything. Everything she thought she’d wanted, expected of her life, it’s just slightly wrong in a way she doesn’t know how to fix.

 

It might have something to do with her lack of a social life. Friends had fallen by the wayside in lieu of her building her career; the only ones still remaining being her friends Kat and Marian. But they’re married with two kids up in the suburbs and she doesn’t see them often.

 

There’s her sister, who irritates her to no end. She loves her though, and is grateful to have her in her life...in small bursts.

 

Then there’s Rob. Her perfectly serviceable boyfriend of three years. He’s nice, has a great job, is settled. Exactly the type of man her mother has always wanted her to marry. And with the way he’s been dropping hints as of late, that isn’t far off. Her life is fine if unremarkable..

 

But dinner had been amazing. Dinner with Emma has felt more comfortable, more like family and home than it ever has with Robin. She’s felt more like herself, than she has in years.

 

Something has been missing.  She tells herself  it can’t simply be a woman with blonde hair and beautiful green eyes.

 

Becoming friends with Emma can’t possibly fill the hole she’s noticed in her heart. But goddamn if it hadn’t felt a little more full with her around. And goddamn if she doesn’t want it, want her, anyway.

  


XXXXX (10)

  


Dinner went well. Emma knew that, of course but she didn't know how well until the following Monday. When Regina asks her to lunch.

 

Regina pauses on her way out the door, interrupting her ogling of the woman’s gorgeous ass, when she pivots and walks toward Emma’s desk. Emma barely has time to raise her eyes without getting caught staring. Then again, if Regina’s smug smile is anything to go by, she hadn’t been quick enough.

 

“Hey, Regina. Thanks again for dinner. I had a really nice time.”

 

“As did I. Speaking of dinner. I cooked for you. Would you say the meal was satisfactory?”

 

Satisfactory doesn’t begin to describe it. Regina is a goddess in the kitchen. She had never eaten anything more delicious in her life. She may have already caught herself daydreaming about that lasagna multiple times today.

 

“The food was amazing Regina.”

 

“Was it? Well then I suppose you won’t mind returning the favour.”

 

“The...favour?”

 

“Yes, Miss Swan. A meal. I made you dinner, the least you could do is buy me lunch.”

 

Emma opens and closes her mouth several times, until finding her voice again. She catches the amused look Regina is wearing at her confusion.

 

“Sure I can...do lunch? Did you have a place in mind? I can go and pick anything you want up...”

 

“Or we could take a walk and see what’s strikes us?”

 

“You want me to-” Emma feels like she’s having a stroke. Regina is asking her to go for lunch. Together. Like actual friends. This is fantastic. “Sure we can do that. Let me just...grab my coat.”

 

“I’ll meet you in the lobby.” Regina replies. She nods at Emma, eyes sparkling before turning on her heels and making her way to the elevator.

 

Lunch with Regina Mills. Will wonders never cease.

 

Lunch is so successful they do it every day that week, if Regina is in the office. They discover a few interesting new restaurants in walking distance and have surprisingly pleasant conversation.  Emma thinks she could get used to this, being friends with Regina. She treasures every little fact she learns about The Mills and every smile she receives during the too brief meals, feeling privileged to witness them.

 

She can’t help but hope that things continue as they are. Instead they get better.

 

Friday finds Regina, standing by her desk and staring at her expectantly.

 

“Uh, yes?

 

“Well are you coming?”

 

She has no idea what Regina is talking about. Which she really should be used to by now. “Coming?”

 

“To dinner obviously? Must I spell everything out for you?”

 

“I didn’t realize I had a repeat invitation?” Not that she’s complaining. She wants nothing more than to spend time with Henry and Regina.

 

“Well Henry suggested we make it a weekly thing. Of course if you have other plans…”

 

“NO! No plans. I would love to come to dinner.” She will one day stop acting like an over eager puppy in Regina's presence, right?

 

“Good of you not to let Henry down then.”

 

“Yes just Henry. Because you don’t care either way right?” Emma fishes. She needs to hear Regina say it. That she wants her there.

 

“I guess I wouldn’t mind you’re company either,” Regina sniffs haughtily. The sparkle in her eyes bellies her tone.

 

“You say the sweetest things. I guess I can’t let you down. I’ll be there in an hour.”

 

“Good.” Regina looks her over, smiling absently for a few seconds before leaving.

 

If Henry appears surprised when he later opens the door to her, she pretends not to notice.

 

Lunches with Regina and weekly dinners at the Mill’s become the new normal and Emma relishes it. She sees and hears nothing of Robin and can’t help but start to believe this could be it for her. A real shot with Regina.

 

When she catches Ruby sending her or Regina smug looks she chooses to ignore them. I-told-you-so’s are never anything less than annoying.

  


XXXXX (11)

  


It’s nice honestly, that Henry still comes around now. He’s been dropping by some days after school and Emma is always glad to spend time with him outside of their weekly dinners. Having both Mills in her life has filled it in a way she struggles to put into words.

 

He’s sitting across from her reading some comic outloud when her phone dings for the fifth time.

 

She clicks the notification and a picture of a beautiful woman appears with the word, Match above it.

 

“Who’s that?”

 

Goddamn curious kid looking at her phone. “This is my sister Ruby sticking her nose in where it doesn’t belong. She’s been swiping on my tinder profile again. I should have just deleted the stupid thing.”

 

“So this woman is…?”

 

“A potential date? Although I’ve already told her I’m not interested in these. Once Ruby has an idea in her head it’s-”

 

“So you’re gay?”

 

“I-” Emma hesitates because she’s not really sure this is a conversation she should be having with her boss’ son. Then again she’s never been shy about her sexuality and Regina doesn’t strike her as a homophobe.

 

“Yeah. Is that- I mean, does that matter to you?”

 

“No. Why would it?”

 

“I don’t know kid. People don’t need a good reason to be hateful. Learn that now.”

 

“I get it. My mom’s pansexual and she’s told me a bit about how hard it’s been for her.”

 

“Regina likes women!?” Emma screeches because surely that can’t be correct. She has impeccable gaydar. There’s no way she wouldn’t know that the woman she's spent days, months, years, checking out, is also into women.

 

Henry laughs at her shocked reaction. “Yeah of course.”

 

Emma raises her brows in concern. “Should you be telling people that?”

 

Henry scoffs, “It’s not a secret. Haven’t you seen that pansexual flag pin she wears?”

 

At this point Emma actually smacks herself in the head in realization. Because of course she’d seen it and somehow thought nothing of it. Too busy staring into her eyes in desire or something? God she doesn’t need more evidence that her thirst blinds her. This is very interesting information, not that it matters with that bland boyfriend of hers around. Emma tries to convince herself.

 

“You really are an oblivious idiot aren’t you?”

 

“HEY! Only your mother is allowed to call me that. And that’s only because she signs my cheques.” She tries to sound angry but knows she doesn’t quite pull it off because she’s still stuck on Regina being not straight. And he sounded so much like his mother just then which inspires a strange fondness in her heart.

 

“You should go?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You should go on the date Emma. I mean let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger. You should find a nice wife while you can."

 

The sass, this kid really is his mother’s child. “Okay first of all I’m only thirty. That’s not old, I’m in my sexual prime.”

 

“Eww.”

 

Whoops, probably shouldn’t have said that. “I mean, These are the best years of my life.”

 

“But don’t you want a girlfriend?”

 

Emma does want a girlfriend. One woman in particular, who she can’t have.

 

“I guess?”

 

“Well then what could it hurt?”

 

It definitely wouldn’t hurt her libido. It might actually stop her from spontaneously combusting from sex withdrawal actually. She can’t have Regina and maybe, maybe this will help her accept that.

 

“Guess. I’m going on date then.”

 

A whoop rings out from Ruby’s office and Emma definitely does not shout a few choice cuss words at her in front of Regina’s son (she does).

 

She sends the pretty brunette a message and waits for a response. Over the next few days they chat a bit. If this Elle is a pretty in person as she is, hilarious, Emma is certain they’re going to have a great time. They agree to a date the coming Friday.

 

When Emma tells Elle to pick her up from work, consciously she thinks nothing of it. The building is close to the restaurant they’ve chosen and it would be silly for her to go home and be picked up there. If a small part of her hopes Regina’s there. That Regina sees her going to dinner with a beautiful woman and finally realizes what she’s missing out on, Emma doesn’t dwell on it.

  


XXXXX (12)

 

Regina steps out of her office to a vision that steals her breathe. Emma Swan, in a beautiful red dress. Her hair up revealing elegant collarbones and a neck she’s dreamt about kissing more than she’d like to admit.

 

When Emma notices her attention she drops her eyes shyly. “Do I look alright?”

 

“Oh Emma you look...beautiful. May I ask the occasion?

 

The blonde raises a hand to rub awkwardly at her neck, sending a wave of want coursing through Regina. “I- uh- have a date?”

 

“You what?”

 

“A date? She should be here any minute actually.”

 

“Here?!” Regina screeches. This can’t be happening. Emma can’t be going out with another woman dressed like that. She hears the elevator arrive with a ding and turns to access the woman stealing Emma away from her. She’s gorgeous. With legs that go on for days. Wearing a deep purple strapless number and heels so high even Regina would struggle to walk in them.

 

“Hi, Elle?”

 

“Emma. So great to finally meet you.” She pulls Emma into a brief hug and Regina fumes. Even her voice is sexy.

 

“Our reservation is in half an hour, we should-”

 

“Oh yes,” Emma nods. Slipping her purse over her shoulder. They walk to the elevator arm in arm. Emma turns to offer Regina an awkward little wave before stepping into it.

 

Regina doesn’t move for several minutes. Feet planted as she silently fumes.

 

Emma Swan has a date with a gorgeous woman and Regina is absolutely not jealous. She knows she has no right to be. So what if the woman maybe looked a little like her and made her think of the what ifs?  What if Regina broke up with Robin and finally made a move? What if she’d asked Emma out, finally, after years of these, feelings? What if she said yes and it was Regina taking her out in that spectacular dress? She shouldn't be thinking like this. It's not fair to Robin. But she can't quite push it from her mind. She feels sick and wanting in a way that’s unfamiliar. She can’t remember the last time she’d felt so despondent over some meaningless feelings.

 

She can’t bear to be near Emma right now. Can’t bear to hear about her date. Because it shouldn’t hurt so much and it’s her own damn fault for getting close. She’d kept boundaries for a reason dammit. Boundaries she needs to re-establish immediately.

  


XXXXX (13)

  


Elle was nice, certainly. She was funny and inviting and everything Emma should have wanted, should have appreciated. She was also gorgeous. Lithe with shoulder length raven hair and pale skin. Just an inch or two taller than Emma, which she didn’t mind at all.

 

The date had been really pleasant and Emma had enjoyed herself. But she couldn’t get out of her own head. She couldn’t stop comparing her to Regina. Couldn’t help but yearn for cutting remarks and a deadly smirk. Curves and warm olive toned skin. By the end of it she knew she’d made a mistake. Elle seemed to have caught on to her inner turmoil as well.

 

They’d ended the night as friends.

 

All in all not a terrible experience, though it appears she’s no closer to getting over Regina

 

Which is the real problem. Regina has been ...acting strangely, ever since. Dodging her calls. Being short with her in the office and she’s worried about her. She even calls Henry to ask him if anything’s happened at home. He tells her that Regina has been in a mood since last Friday. The day of Emma’s date.

 

It’s almost as if she’s jealous and didn’t like seeing Emma go out with Elle but that can’t possibly be the case right? Regina and her are just friends. Regina has Robin and she must love him to be have been with him all this time.

 

Just because she’s rarely mentioned him while they’ve been hanging out, it doesn’t mean anything (she wants it to mean something).

 

It all comes to a head when Emma decides to push the issue. She misses Regina and she has the perfect place to take her for lunch. Whatever weirdness is going on between them can surely be solved with food. So she goes into Regina’s office at their designated lunch time and offers to take her out.

 

“I have work to do.”

 

“Come on Reg, it’s just a lunch break. We used to take those together all the time.” She knows immediately by the look on Regina’s face she’s fucked up. She goes over what she just said in her head and winces.

 

“Reg?”

 

“I’m sorry I-”

 

“My name is Regina Mills. Miss Mills or boss to you Miss Swan.”

 

Emma swallows harshly, “It was just a nickname Regina, honestly. I hadn’t meant-”

 

“Are you deaf? I told you to stop addressing me by my first name. You might be confused but let’s get this straight right now. We are not friends Miss Swan. I am your boss and you will address me as such. Understand?”

 

“How can you say that after all this time? All those dinners at your house. The almost daily lunches together? You’re telling me those meant nothing?”

 

“I was taking pity on you at my son’s behest. I see now that was a mistake. I’ve put up with your insufferable presence, but I’m done going out of my way for you. You may remain Henry’s friend but you will never be mine.”

 

She’s going to cry. She has to get out of there because she’s going to cry and Regina deserves her tears even less than she deserves to be shut out again. She can’t understand why. Why is Regina being so cruel? Things had been going well. Despite what she’d said. Emma knows they were friends. They had enjoyed spending time together. Regina couldn't have been faking that right? It couldn’t have been just pity. Logically she knows this, but her heart aches. She feels even worse than she did during her last break up.  Because it’s Regina and she’d never thought she had a chance, had given up hope after all this pining. Until meals together and silly texts and small smiles. Now that she’s allowed her to, Regina has slipped inside her heart and she’s crushing it from the inside.

 

She leaves without a word and goes home to cry where no one can see her.

 

Ruby knocks when she get’s home but Emma doesn’t answer. When she opens the door and sees Emma bundled up in bed, in her darkened room, she slips inside without a word; crawling into bed and wrapping herself around Emma, offering unconditional comfort. The tears start all over again and Emma cries into Ruby’s shirt quietly.

 

After a while Ruby finally asks, “Regina?”

 

No more words are necessary.

 

“I love her.”

 

“Oh Em. I know.”

 

Emma calls in sick the next day. When she does go back to work, she spends her time vacillating between sending Regina raw longing glances and staunchly avoiding looking at her as to ease the pain in her chest.

 

On Friday, she makes a decision and then a call.

 

“Hey Z. Is that company still interested in licensing my book for a movie?”

 

“I knew you’d cave eventually.” Zelena remarks smugly.

 

“Can you set up a meeting? It might be time for me to move on from this place. There’s nothing left for me here.”

 

Emma thinks this must be a sign. The push she needed to finally come out and claim her work. Without Regina, she no longer cares to hide it from anyone.

 

Maybe it’s time to quit this place and do the author thing full time. Afterall, it can’t be harder than more days of this. Desperately in love with a woman who has thrown her away.

 

XXXXX (14)

  


“Sweetheart. I think we have a problem.”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Things between your mother and Emma seem to have broken down. Is everything alright with my dear sister?”

 

Henry sighs out his worry. “She’s been all cold and detached. She barely talks to me. I thought I was exaggerating it but…”

 

“When did this start?”

 

“It started….” Henry trails off in realization. “I heard her muttering something about Emma and some woman named Elle just over a week ago. Emma must have went on that date I encouraged her towards. Somehow my mom found out about it.”

 

“Henry your mother does not share well with others.What were you thinking?”

 

“I was thinking that maybe mom would get a little jealous and finally tell Emma how she feels not, shut everyone out completely!”

 

“She should know you’re mother is a complicated person by now Henry.” Zelena groans. “I guess I’ll call and-”

 

“No it’s got to be me. You shouldn’t even know about this. I’ll talk to mom.”

 

“Well good luck. You’re going to need it.”

 

XXXXX (15)

  


When Regina steps inside after work she sees Henry quickly descending the stairs to meet her.

 

“Hey mom.”

 

“Hello Henry.” She doesn’t hug him like she usually does. She doesn’t think she could hold it together if she did.

 

“How are things at work?”

 

“Good, dear.” If by good she means stifling. The air has been tense in the office recently, Emma walking around like a raw nerve. As if one wrong word or look from Regina will bring her to pieces, she can’t say she feels any differently.

 

”Really? Because Emma asked me about you? She says you’ve been acting weird and she wanted to know if anything had happened.”

 

Regina’s eyes grow hard. “She had no right to ask you that-”

 

“She’s worried about you mom! And so am I okay. You have been weird. It’s even worse than it used to be. When you were just a little sad all the time. Emma made you happy. You were smiling and laughing and you were just… different than you have been in years. Maybe my whole life. But now it’s like- it’s like you’re not even here anymore.”

 

Everything inside her is wailing, dying to reach out to her son. But she can’t seem to shed the mask she’s donned to protect herself from the pain gnawing at her, From the wrongness she has to ignore. She can’t quite bring herself to  let him in and she knows, this is their undoing. This is how she ruins them. Not with a new lover or that secret dream she never dares speak of, but this cold empty feeling that consumes her, where she holds herself apart from her him.

 

“I’m fine, Henry.” She’s not. She should tell him she’s not.

 

“No you’re not Mom. Please talk to Emma.”

 

“I speak to Emma every day Henry. We are fine. She is my employee, not my friend.”

 

“But-”

 

“That’s the end of this discussion Henry. Now please, go to bed.” She needs him to leave so she can fall apart alone. She’s not sure how much longer she can hold back the tears.

 

“Whatever.” Henry stomps halfway up the stairs before turning around. “I know that you like her!” Regina flinches, despite herself. “I’ve seen you together and she makes you happy and I just- You deserve to be happy Mom. You don’t have to be what Grandma wants you to be. You don’t have to keep seeing Robin or even keep this job if you don’t like it. Like the book said mom, you have to punch back and tell the world who you are. Go after what you want. I’ll support you no matter what.”

 

His voice quiet by the end. Reassuring and warm. Regina can’t bring herself to look at him, face tilted down hiding the tears flowing freely, but she can feel his gaze on her, so sure. Her wise boy.

 

“Just think about it okay. I love you.” He pauses for a few more seconds before turning around and resuming his climb up the steps.

 

She waits until he closes his door to give voice to her sobs.

 

XXXXX (16)

 

It’s been several days since her talk with Henry and Regina is still… unsure. She’d thought he would be relentless and stubborn in his attempts to make her see sense but it appears he’s gained some sense of tact. Still she can sense he’s waiting for her to do something, to prove to him that she’d heard him. Oh God had she ever heard him. She hasn’t be able to think of anything else but her son’s bracing words,  a dream she’s been afraid to even attempt and… Robin.

 

Robin who she knows she doesn’t love but who makes her mother happy. She’s been with him for so long and he’s comfortable and she’s just not sure about ending things. She knows it’s unfair to keep him here and really, he must see this coming.

 

She’s been pushing him away slowly for the past few months without conscious thought. His presence just makes her feel guilty. All the gaps and silences she could overlook before are now overwhelming because it doesn’t compare to her time with Emma. She would gladly take a jovial lunch with Emma Swan over time with Robin any day. And she’d knows that isn’t right.  Still, she’s put it off, fooling herself into believing it doesn’t matter. She can’t hide from it anymore.

 

When her mother had calls specifically to arrange dinner with both her and Robin and Regina is dreading it but she knows she needs to end things. She’ll have one last dinner with him and her mother and then...Well she suspects it will be the last meal she has with her mother for a long time. Hearing she broke up with such a “fine suitor” is going to make mother furious.

 

She swallows as she fastens an earring. She looks over her reflection and smooths down her dress, a black and modest thing probably more suited for a funeral, very fitting in her mind.

 

Robin picks her up and they drive to the restaurant, Regina feigning interest as he rambles on about some business expenditure or another. Finally they arrive at the restaurant and are escorted to a table where her mother sits waiting. Her mother looks ageless and dangerous as ever. Regina can’t help but feel nervous at what she thinks might be a triumphant glint in her eyes.

 

Dinner is boring and Regina tries to remain interested, but all she can think about is ending this night so she can go home and finally put an end to this charade. Because, though she hadn’t completely realized it before, that is what everything with Robin has been. A charade to appease her mother and get back in her good books after years on the outs. She’d just wanted to finally be forgiven for the indiscretion that had lead to Henry. The one time slip in an otherwise entirely responsible life that had lead to the best thing she’s ever done.

 

She can’t apologize for him, out right refuses, but she has been seeking forgiveness. She’ds bent herself beyond recognition a little at a time since his birth. Until suddenly here she is, years into a relationship with a man who bores her beyond belief.

 

She tunes back in when she senses something unusual happening around her. Robin is standing, her mother looking on in undisguised anticipation.

 

“Regina, I love you. It’s been three years and I think we should take the next step in our relationship,” Robin crows as he pulls a blue box from his pocket and sinks to one knee.

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

Three years of dating and their lives remain completely separate. He has a drawer at her house. And has stayed over on the weekends occasionally but that's it. It's not as if he hasn't asked for, and she hasn't considered more, her mind just… completely resisted the idea of entwining their lives further.

 

So she can't understand why he's doing this. At their bi-monthly dinner with her mother. In one of the most elite restaurants in the city. He's... down on one knee asking her for her hand.

 

She had known of course that he was thinking about it. Reacting subconsciously by lessening the already small amount of time they spent together. But she hadn't expected it now, like this. She looks to her mother smiling proudly in her seat, and knows she’d put him up to this, somehow made him think it was the thing that would finally make her commit. Pull them closer together. She’d let it go on too long, this pantomime. Even though she's only ever thought of him as good enough. When all this time She’s been waiting for, pining for…..

 

“Robin...I’m sorry…” Regina stands. She can see Robin’s face falling while her mother’s grows frighteningly still. She walks away and makes her way quickly to the coat check. Her mother hot on her heels.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Regina,”  Her mother hisses, catching her arm painfully. “Do not embarrass me in this very public venue.”

 

“Who’s fault is it that we’re here mother? I know this wasn’t Rob’s idea. He never would have chosen to do something like this so publicly.”

 

“I thought you’d be less likely to do something stupid with all these people watching. Apparently I’d over estimated your capacity to disappoint me once again.”

 

“Could you call me a cab?” Regina asks the person working, shrugging her mother’s hand from it’s grip.

 

“You will go back in there and apologize to that man this instant.” Her mother snarls, voice rising with annoyance at being ignored.

 

“I will do no such thing mother. I have no interest in marrying Robin, as I’m sure he was aware before you got in his ear. I had planned to break up with him after this terrible dinner was over. I don’t love him and I know you can tell that. You’ve seen me in love.”

 

“Who cares about love?

 

“I do! That’s why I’ve strived so hard for yours, but no more. I’m done living for you. I know who I am and what I want and I’m going to go and get it!”

 

She grabs her coat as her mother remains standing stunned and walks towards her waiting cab. She doesn’t look back.

  


XXXXX (17)

  


She’s nervous.

 

Emma will arrive any minute and she’s going to apologize, which she's dreadful at. She is verbose, usually. Can find infinite words for expressing her anger and dressing people down, but when it comes to any other feeling she struggles. She has a hard time dealing with her emotions never mind expressing them. Even still, she wants to properly convey the depth of her apology to Emma because she wants her.

 

She has wanted her for so long and in different ways. Initially she wanted her  to submit to Regina in her role as boss, she’d challenged her instead. She’d wanted her body, because Emma was gorgeous especially dressed in her normal jeans and leather looking uniquely... _Emma_ and she couldn’t help but desire her.

 

She doesn’t remember exactly when she’d begun wanting more than that but she is certain now.

 

She’ll take any part of herself Emma is willing to give. Even if it’s just her dismissal when Regina asks for a second chance to be her friend. Really she wants to be more than that but she doesn’t want to push things right away.

 

She hears the telltale stomp of Emma’s boots and nods in determination. Rising from her desk, she exits her office and walks purposefully towards Emma’s.

 

“Miss Swan… Emma?”

 

Emma doesn’t look up to reply, continuing to tap away at her keyboard.

 

“Yes, boss?”

 

“Could I have a word?”

 

“I-”

 

“In my office, if you could?”

 

Emma stop and raises her eyes to Regina. Her face is blank but Regina can see a swirl of emotions in her eyes. Fear, anger, longing.

 

“Okay…”

 

Emma follows her back into her office. She resumes her seat, sweating with anxiety. Emma seems reluctant to sit, standing awkwardly with her arms crossed.

 

“Please, Emma, just take a seat.” She does so but her face remains impassive, posture rigid.

 

“I owe you an apology. I was cruel. I should never have said we weren’t friends or that I only spent time with you out of pity.”

 

“Oh. You’ve just reached that conclusion huh? Did Henry ask you to apologize or was it your sister?”

 

“I don’t- what does my sister have to do with-?”

 

“-I don’t even know what I did. Everything was fine and then suddenly, we’re back where we started, you treating me as if I’m beneath you. You were right when you said we weren’t friends because friends don’t do that to each other.”

 

“I am so sorry Emma. I- I want to say that I never meant to hurt you but the truth is I did at the time. For entirely selfish reasons I assure you.”

 

“Why? Just… tell me why?”

 

She hadn’t planned on admitting this now but she should have known Emma would want to know. And lying about her feelings didn’t feel like a good way to fix their relationship. She would have to let herself be vulnerable, no matter how scary that thought was.

 

“I was jealous.”

 

It seems Emma hadn’t been expecting that, her mouth drops open in surprise. It isn’t the time to find such a thing adorable but she really does.

 

“You what?”

 

“I was jealous. Of Elle. Because she was going out with you in that beautiful dress. Because she could do that. I wasn’t allowed to want that. I had Robin, I knew I had no right to be jealous or to wish it was me you were wearing that dress for, but I was, and I did. I took it out on you but really I was furious with myself. For knowing Robin wasn’t enough, but being too much of a coward to break up with him and go after who I really wanted. But I’m done being a coward Emma.”

 

“You- Jealous- I-” Emma stutters, unable to finish a thought because of pure shock. “Had Robin? You said you had Robin?”

 

“I broke up with him. Well actually I walked out on him and my mother when he decided to propose to me.”

 

“WHAT?!” Emma screams, starting to resemble a tomato.

 

“It was quite the dramatic event. Especially considering I had been planning to break up with him that night after dinner anyway.

 

“You were?”

 

“I was. I spoke to Henry. Well actually he yelled at me for all this. He told me I needed to follow that book I love so much. Tell the world who I am and go after what I want. It took me some time to pull together the courage but I did. I left him. Because I want you. I want to feel like myself again, like I can breathe again and I want to write a book!” Regina ends triumphantly. She’s nearly panting with the passion flowing through her veins. She hadn’t spoken about writing to anyone since her mother discouraged her from it as a young girl. But her passion for literature had never waned. She’s going to write a book dammit. And she’s hoping she can also get the girl.

 

Emma sits frozen in bewilderment for several minutes.

 

“I don’t know what to say? You hurt me Regina. Why should I believe that you won’t pull the same thing again. When you get scared or just...tired of me.”

 

Regina nods sadly. “I want to prove myself to you Emma. I would like to earn your trust and forgiveness, If that’s something you think you can ever give me?” She’s never thought of Emma as inscrutable but she’s certainly finding it hard to predict what the woman’s next words will be.

 

"I need time. I need you to prove you're serious."

 

"I am Emma. I'll give you all the time you need but I won't stop trying."

 

Emma nods in understanding, staring at Regina with thinly veiled hope, before returning to her desk.

 

She will do whatever it takes to show Emma the depth of apology because she's certain Emma is worth it.

  


XXXXX (18)

  


It seems too good to be true.

 

Regina wants her. Regina broke up with Robin because she was jealous and she wants Emma. It’s feels too good to be true, but she wants desperately to believe.

 

Still, she remains cautious. She’s had Regina flip on her before and just shut her out without an explanation. She knows her heart can’t afford to be in that position again. She can’t trust that it won’t happen again. She needs proof, and it looks like Regina is willing to provide it.

Regina is going out of her way to interact with Emma. Coming out of her office sidling up to the edge of Emma’s desk instead of using the intercom or email to get Emma’s attention and lingering a bit after whatever business topic had been covered.

 

It’s a bit overwhelming having all of _that_ (Regina in short skirts or plunging blouses, which she had been wearing more frequently, for her benefit) focused on her. She’s being wooed by Regina Mills and it’s exhilarating and baffling in equal measure.

 

There are low rumbling chuckles at her terrible jokes and beaming smiles and it’s all, a lot, really. She’s surprised she hasn’t swallowed her own tongue by now.

 

Their first lunch together after her confession isn’t an invitation. It isn’t fancy. It’s Regina picking up Emma’s favourite from the deli down the block and placing it on her desk.

 

“So you don’t have to go out in that downpour.” She offers to Emma’s questioning look.

 

“Uhm, thanks. Where’s yours?”

 

“Oh,” Regina blinks in surprise. “I got a salad. It’s on my desk.”

 

“Grab it.”

 

“Are- Are you sure? I’m trying not to push too hard Emma.”

 

Emma gets that. Regina’s attention has been consistent but not forceful in any way but she’s been taking the steps and if Emma wants this to work, she needs to take some of her own.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure. We can... catch up. Regina’s smile is hopeful. She fetches her lunch and sits in the chair across from Emma’s desk.

 

They spend the meal pleasantly chatting, especially about Henry. Regina confesses she had to apologize to him as well, that she’d let him down. Without a thought Emma puts a hand over her’s and gives it a comforting squeeze.

 

“You screwed up. Everyone does. But you’re fixing it.”

 

The brunette’s tilts her head in question. “Am, I?” (Will you forgive me?)

 

Emma squeezes her hand again, giving her an open smile. “Absolutely. (I couldn’t do anything else?)

 

Lunch becomes a regular thing after that. Ruby joins them sometimes. Looking between the two with a knowing grin. She’s going to be insufferable about this for a while

 

Their first (not) date is when Regina suggests taking Henry to the museum.

 

“I thought perhaps you would enjoy seeing him in his element. He really enjoys the museum, and I’m sure he’d love your company.”

 

“You want me to go with you both?”

 

Regina’s smile falters. “I- No of course. Just you and Henry then?”

 

“No I just meant- You both want me there? Really?

 

“Yes Emma. I would like to spend time with you both.”

 

She wants to spend time with me, Emma smiles dopily. Sometimes she still can’t believe Regina wants her. “Sure tell the kid I’m in. Next Saturday?”

 

And Regina is beaming again. That smile that makes Emma flush with warmth. That smile that makes her feel like she matters. “I look forward to it.”

 

The excursion goes swimmingly. There’s comfort she feels in the company of these two people she never would have imagined. They already feel like hers. She wants them to be. It’s then Emma realizes there’s only one thing left in the way of them all being together. That night when she gets home. She makes a plan.

  


XXXXX (19)

  


“Z, I need your help?”

 

“I hardly think I’m the right person to come to if you need help schtupping my sister,” Zelena snarks.

 

“What  I’m not- I would never ask you about that!” Never honestly she’d rather be eaten alive… Interesting choice of words that.

 

“Good, because if I had to tell you, you’re out of your depth with Regina, that’s for sure.”

 

“Shut up. I need help telling Regina about the book.”

 

“Finally got it through that thick skull of yours?”

 

“I love her Z. And this secret, it stands in the way of that.” She thinks she might have finally rendered Zelena speechless, miracles never cease. “What can I do?”

 

“Actually I have a plan.”

 

She had thought about taking Regina to a talk show and just letting her find out with the rest of the world. But that would be entirely inappropriate. She needs this to be special and only for her.

  


XXXXX (20)

  


Regina is nothing less than fucking ecstatic. After months of offers and threats her sister has finally gotten E. Lucas to meet with her. She’ll never admit this, but she’s fangirling. Like a teenager about that British pop singer, Ted Sherman? She’s going to meet the author of her favourite book. The book that changed her life. She’s so excited she’d changed five times this morning.

 

Now here she is waiting in her office. Zelena is supposed to bring them by in a few short minutes and the anticipation is killing her.

 

“Morning Sissy.” It’s a testament to Regina nerves that she doesn’t tell Zelena where she can shove that annoying nickname.

 

“Zelena! Where are they? Why aren’t they with you?”

 

“Calm down. She’s running a bit late. But while we wait, could you call your receptionist in here?”

 

“Emma? Why?”

 

“I require her presence that’s why. Just do as I say.”

 

Regina frowns but gives into the request if only because seeing Emma’s face always makes her feel better. She presses the intercom button on her phone.

 

“Emma, could you come in here for a moment.”

 

A minute later Emma appears at her door and she’s already gathering comfort from her presence.

 

“Hi. Hey Z.” Emma waves before sitting beside Zelena.

 

“E.” Zelena smirks.

 

Regina glances between the women, eyebrows raised. “I didn’t realize you had grown familiar enough to be calling each other by nicknames?”

 

“Yeah, Z and I know each other pretty well. She’s sort of my agent.”

 

“And your lawyer darling, don’t forget.”

 

“Why would you need either of those?” Regina’s starting to think- But it can’t be. Can it?

 

“Let’s say I wanted to sign a contract to have a piece of myself sent out into the world for human consumption but I couldn’t stomach the thought of everyone knowing it was me. Of it possibly failing and following me forever. Say I needed to find someone to help...facilitate that?”

 

Emma’s eyes are wide with earnestness and fear. E. Lucas… just like Ruby’s last name. The woman she refers to as her sister.

 

“You. You’re E. Lucas?”

 

“I- umh- yeah?” The blonde is blushing now. Regina can sense how terrified she is. Part of her wants to be angry. All this time it had been Emma, and she hadn’t said a thing. Knowing how badly Regina wanted to talk to her, to convince her do promo and talk about her fantastic work. But she knows somehow, that Emma had never intended for it to go this far.

 

“I’m sorry Regina. I never meant to hurt you. At first, I was just so scared. I hadn’t even intended to submit it. Ruby slipped it in with my weekly picks. But then you liked it and I… I just panicked. I was freaked out about everything so I contacted Z, not knowing she was your sister. And she took care of it. She’s always encouraged me to tell you. Don’t be mad at her.”

 

“I’m not mad.”

 

“You’re not

 

“I love you, How can I possibly be mad at you for writing a book that literally changed my life Emma?”

 

She can see tears of relief, rolling down the blonde’s cheek and scoots around her desk to pull her into a tight hug. Emma’s face pressed to into her hair, Regina had feel her shaking in her arms.

 

“You love me?” Emma pulls back to look at her through puffy eyes, disbelieving.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“Yes yes everyone loves everyone. Have you forgotten I’m here?” Zelena asks but receives no answer.  "Fine, I guess I’ll go tell Henry our little plan was a success.”

 

The new couple turn to look at Zelena simultaneously

 

“Henry?” Emma queries. “What does Henry have to do with anything?”

 

“He’s been pulling the strings behind this whole matchmaking operation.”

 

Regina sighs, leaning her head on Emma’s shoulder. “Why am I not surprised?”

 

“So he knows I wrote the book? No wonder he kept quoting it in conversation with me. That little shit.”

 

“Indeed.” Zelena laughs. Well ladies. My work here is done. I’ll leave so you can go back to being disgustingly mushy.

 

They do just that.

  


XXXXX (21)

  


There’s a lot of talking done but eventually, everything works out.

 

Emma finally books an interview on late night TV where she talks about the book and how much of it really is just her life story. She even talks about her girlfriend, and her girlfriend’s son who are sitting in the audience.

 

She takes them both to the movie premiere as well. The paparazzi photos are absolutely darling. Their family looks gorgeous together.

 

Emma’s next book is published just a year after her and Regina get married. Two years after they started officially dating.

 

The dedication inside the cover reads: _For Regina and Henry. Forever grateful you showed me who you are. I want for nothing now that I have you._

**Author's Note:**

> There could be another late fic for this sqweek for the coffeeshop au. I had the ideas for both at the same time but i could only write one. I don't know if this fic is exactly true to the prompt? Since Emma's work is famous but she doesn't take credit for it until the end but meh. Comments or kudos are appectiated. Bother me on twitter under the same name or on tumblr where I'm annalisequeer-ing


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